


The Edge of Reason

by Despina



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-03
Updated: 2013-03-03
Packaged: 2017-12-04 06:07:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Despina/pseuds/Despina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Rroselavy and her prompt:  Post-journey, Sanzo falls apart; Goku is there to pick up the pieces. Happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Edge of Reason

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rroselavy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rroselavy/gifts).



> Well, this one kind of got away from me. The story turned out more melancholy than it was supposed to be, but I think it satisfies the prompt. Oh, and many thanks to whymzycal for the beta!!

The Edge of Reason

"Sanzo?" The question came from Hakkai. His features were pinched, the furrow between his eyes deeply etched with concern.

"What?" Sanzo snapped, looking around for his smokes. They'd probably taken them again, the bastards.

"How are you feeling?" Hakkai's overly polite voice grated on Sanzo's nerves.

"Like shit, of course. What did you expect?"

"Ah, ha ha. Well, it's nice to see you're so feisty, Sanzo."

"You're full of shit, Hakkai. Where did you hide my cigarettes?"

"Sanzo, I must ask." Hakkai paused, possibly for dramatic effect and then continued, "Are you really speaking to—"

"Hey, Hakkai," Gojyo said from the doorway. Great, the stupid kappa was here, too. "That's enough for today."

Hakkai faced Gojyo. "But what about Sanzo's ... What about Goku?"

"What about him?" Gojyo said with his signature shrug. "Really, in the grand scheme of things, does it matter?"

In the shadowy room, Sanzo could see Hakkai's shoulders slump in acquiescence. He shook his head and stood up. "No, I suppose not."

"Then come on, he's had enough for today." Gojyo herded Hakkai toward the door. 

Damn it. Hakkai's badgering would cease now, and he only had that fucking cockroach to thank. 

"Hey," Gojyo hissed at Sanzo conspiratorially.

Sanzo looked up, just in time to see Gojyo toss him a pack of cigarettes—Marlboros, even.

Sanzo grunted in thanks.

Gojyo winked and then waggled a finger at him. "You didn't get those from me, ya hear?" 

"Gojyo, really," Hakkai said with a frustrated sigh.

"Oh, so what? Let the man smoke. At this point it's not gonna change anything." Gojyo paused before saying to Sanzo, "Tell the runt we miss him, okay?"

The door closed quietly. Miss him? Sanzo frowned and lit a cigarette and coughed long and hard, his throat raw from the smoke. Nicotine flooded through his veins, making him strangely dizzy. Why was he dizzy?

"They think you're crazy, you know," Goku said softly from perch on the window ledge.

Sanzo inhaled again, with the same results. "Damn kappa. These must be his crappy brand in the wrong package."

"Nope. You just haven't smoked in a long time."

Sanzo sorted through his fuzzy memories. It did seem like a chunk of time was missing.

"When did we get back to Chang'an?"

"You got back two years ago."

Shaking his head, Sanzo said, "Two years? That's not right. I would remem—" Images coursed through his brain, an enormous white dragon flying them home, except ... 

Goku leaned forward and grinned. "Coming back to you, huh? You always were stubborn when it came to some things." 

"Fucking Hakuryuu. Why didn't he fly us there instead of us having to piss around for seven years?"

Goku laughed and said, "Yeah, you said that then, too." He jumped off the ledge and slid into a seat at the table. "Come on, let's play mahjong!"

 

"Sanzo-sama?" The door opened and light spilled in, following a nervous looking novice. "I brought your lunch."

Sanzo sat up and began coughing. He coughed for a long time, a harsh, dry cough that made it difficult for him to catch his breath. The pain in his chest made his eyes water, and breathing ... breathing was so, so hard. He waved the novice toward a small table during his fit.

The novice—there was more than one but Sanzo thought of them all interchangeably—deposited the tray and then hurried to Sanzo's side, handing him a piece of linen.

Sanzo took the cloth and finished coughing. The clean white linen was covered in sticky blood.

The novice inhaled nervously and said, "Sanzo-sama, should I call for the doctor?"

"No, damn it! And stop hovering, for fuck's sake."

"Yes, sir." The novice practically ran from the room. Sanzo knew the little prick was probably running for help.

"Yuck, Sanzo, that's gross," Goku said from over his shoulder.

"Shut up, Monkey."

"So, that's what lung cancer does, huh? Gnarly." Goku hopped onto his ledge again. "You probably feel like shit, huh?"

"Understatement." Sanzo fell back onto his bed and stared at Goku. "I thought you died. Did I dream that?"

"Nope, I'm dead as a doornail."

"Then why are you here?"

Goku gave Sanzo a mischievous look. "Why do you think?"

"Some sort of weird concession from the Merciful Hag?" Sanzo fumbled for his cigarettes. "Or maybe some last form of punishment. Going out with everyone thinking I'm crazy. She does have a twisted sense of mercy." 

"Who knows? But yeah, it's probably something like that." Goku tipped his head to one side as if he were listening. "Hey, you have company!"

Sanzo groaned. "That fucking kappa had better be bringing more cigarettes."

Goku said, "He did. And wine."

Sanzo closed his eyes and asked, "How do you know?"

"Know what?" Gojyo was staring down at him. 

"Where's Goku?" Sanzo sat up.

Gojyo shook his head and set down a carton of cigarettes and bottle of wine next to Sanzo's untouched meal. "He's not here. He doesn't talk to me." 

"Is Hakkai here, too?" 

"Yeah, but you know Hakkai. He likes to get the maximum amount of misery, so he's talking to your doctor."

"That dumbass," Sanzo said with a sigh and fired up a cigarette. "Give me a glass."

Gojyo poured out two glasses and said, "I saw the candidates." 

"The soon to be Thirty-second. Yes, I've been working with them. When I can." 

"Will one of them actually kill you to take the sanzo crown?"

"Fuck, I wish." Sanzo exhaled and gasped for breath. "No. I'm not much of challenge now, am I?"

"Oh, I don't know—a sick Sanzo-sama is probably tougher than almost anyone or anything else. You always were a resilient bastard."

"Not anymore."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that." Gojyo sat down at the table. He arched an eyebrow and said, "Mahjong?"

"Yeah, we're still playing, so don't mess it up."

"I see he still uses the same strategy," Gojyo said with wistful tone. "And by that, I mean no strategy."

Sanzo nodded and finished his wine, grateful for the dulling of his pain. "How is it that you don't doubt it's Goku? All the monks do. And Hakkai."

"Geez, you know Hakkai. He's king of denial, but you're wearing him down with this. As for me," Gojyo shrugged and continued, "after the shit we've seen, I can't believe you'd even ask that. Besides, Goku talking to you was what brought you out of that catatonic, post-traumatic shit the docs said you had."

"Just in time to find out I have cancer."

"Yeah, well, you had it anyway. You needed to finish a few things, didn't you?"

That was true. Sanzo had to pick his replacement and help Gojyo and Hakkai through their own grief. Gojyo seemed to be coping all right. "How's Hakkai?"

"He's all right. Still blaming himself, but that's just how he is. As you always say, he likes to brood."

"Tell him, Sanzo," Goku said from his spot on the window. "You promised."

Gojyo's eyes flickered toward the window and then he smiled. "He's here, isn't he?"

"Tell Hakkai, Goku ... Goku wants him to live." Sanzo cleared his throat, embarrassed at having to repeat the words. But he had promised. "Goku wants both of you to live. For him. And for me."

Gojyo blinked at Sanzo. "Dude, why are you getting so maudlin?"

"Maudlin?" Sanzo rolled his eyes but was thankful that Gojyo had diverted the conversation. "Did Hakkai teach you that word?"

"He did," Gojyo said with a laugh and refilled Sanzo's glass. "And tell Goku we'll be all right. Also, tell him I ask Hakkai to make meatbuns all the time."

"He knows."

"Good." Gojyo raised his wine toward the window and then drank. "That's good."

Hakkai opened the door. He looked stricken. "Sanzo, why are you smoking?"

"Fuck off, Hakkai," Sanzo growled. "Let a dying man smoke."

"Yes, I suppose you have a point," Hakkai said as he pulled out another bottle of wine. "I see Gojyo anticipated me."

"Hakkai brought wine," Goku said from his perch on the window sill. "You must be getting close."

"I am close, Monkey. You've been telling me that for a week now."

Gojyo and Hakkai shared a glance.

Sanzo ignored it. "Tomorrow I'll make my final decision on my successor, and after that, I'll be free to go." 

Hakkai frowned. "You're giving up?"

"Hell yes," Sanzo muttered. "This is a miserable way to live."

Gojyo poured them all a round. "Well, then. Here's to freedom."

 

 

It was snowing outside, but Sanzo wasn't cold as he walked past the sleeping Gojyo and Hakkai. He turned to look at Goku and asked, "What about them?"

"They know we'll see them again. Well, Gojyo knows, and he'll help Hakkai with it. But they're staying a little longer, probably to stir up trouble somewhere. The Ants will wait." 

"Ants?" Sanzo asked.

"It'll come to you." Goku made a happy noise as he ran to the door. "Look, Sanz—I mean Konzen, it's the Dragon King of the West come to take you home!" 

Sanzo/Konzen found he remembered Hakuryuu/Gojun. As he stepped outside, he muttered, "All these overlapping names are confusing." 

Hakuryuu/Gojun's enormous dragon head swiveled to look at Sanzo, giving him an intense look as his deep voice rumbled, "You'll get used to it." 

Goku jumped onto Hakuryuu's back and held out his hand. "Come on, Kanzeon promised there'd be a big feast, and I'm starving!"

Sanzo realized he hadn't seen Goku eat since ... well, before he'd died. "I think I'm hungry, too."

"Yeah?" Goku gave him a stunning smile. 

"Yeah." 

Pulling Konzen onto Gojun's back, Goku said, "Then let's go!"

As the dragon king soared into the sky, Sanzo thought about where he was heading. He might be Sanzo or Konzen, and there might be a Gojun or Hakuryuu, but Goku was just Goku in any life. And he was thankful for that.

 

End


End file.
